Many men have come to me as a last resort when they have exhausted all medical avenues to resolve the challenges they face in their intimate lives. They come here feeling defeated, lost and inadequate. Sexual dysfunction has taken its toll on their relationships and self-esteem. I have helped men work through low libido, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. To rediscover their pleasure and sexual potency. The journey for many has started here looking for solutions to problems.
What is surprising for many men is instead of pills, potions and porn, the solutions lie within them, within their body. So I simply guide men to go inside and find the answers within themselves because this is as much a self development experience as it is trying to ‘fix’ sexual dysfunction! I work with men to learn the art of surrender. Tantric massage and erotic massage is one of the main tools I work with. Using conscious touch in the form of tantric massage I create a space where men can relax, let go and truly receive what they need for healing.
Surrender can have such negative connotations for men. It can often conjure up feelings of defeat, failure, inadequacy and giving up; or some or may think of kink and BDSM. Paradoxically it is this state of ‘defeat’ and ‘being lost’ that ultimately guides the men I work with back home to the truth and wisdom of their bodies.
You are not broken
The problem isn’t that you cum too quickly or that you can’t maintain an erection. It’s likley to be anxiety, or being in your head, or feelings of shame or lack of confidence or negative feelings you hold about your body and your performance that block you from natural exploration and gentle curiosity that can open the door for great sex, better intimacy and sexual healing.
You are not broken. I support men to give up fighting and pushing and demanding of their bodies and instead encourage the body to relax and surrender into what is. And I know that this may be a total paradigm shift from what you’ve been taught and how you habitually live your life.
As a man growing up in our society you were most likely taught that to be strong and masculine is to go out there and achieve more and provide more. More money. More sex. More power. Masculinity and self-worth for men in our culture is measured by how materially successful you are and how well you perform in the bedroom. Boys are discouraged from being gentle and receptive and yet as adults you are expected to be sensitive sensual lovers and at the same time rock hard and full of stamina!. It’s unlikely that you were encouraged to be open and receptive, to tune in and listen to the wisdom of your body and your emotions.
This conditioning and way of living can cause you to be out of tune with your natural instincts. It can leave you feeling exhausted and depleted in sexual energy that can manifest itself in symptoms of low libido and sexual dysfunction. I believe it is so important for men to learn to receive, feel into what their physical needs are, express them and allow themselves to be looked after, cared for so that they can relax, recharge, reenergise and rediscover their sexual potency.
Tantric Massage is a practice in receiving and allowing
Tantric massage provides a safe space where you can just allow whatever is happening. It’s a place where you can let go of all the expectations and judgements that the world has imposed on you. And all the judgements you have imposed on yourself. Leave behind all your worries about your physical performance. There is no one to please. No one to pleasure. This time is just for you. This is about you rediscovering the relationship with your own body. This is your experience.
Enhance your Tantric Massage experience
Following these guidelines will help you get the most out of your tantric massage or any sensual intimate experience.
Leave your expectations behind:
You may come because you want to feel a certain way. You may have ideas of how you think you should feel. Maybe you are chasing feelings of arousal, being turned on. These feelings may visit you during the session or they might not. This is a space where you have total freedom to be completely you. Whatever happens trust it’s what you need to experience and learn in this moment. Yes, come with intentions. That burning desire for change has brought you here. It has got you this far on the journey. But now it’s time to let go of that desire for an outcome and trust the wisdom of your body to take over.
Use this precious time to relax and let the mind go and get to know your body. Be present to the experiences that are happening in you. It is time for you to enter the exquisite temple of your body. Full of pleasure and sensation.
The body doesn’t lie:
The body is where you will find the truth of your experience. The mind will make up stories and follow what you have been told. Here you can learn to live in the truth of your body. You will discover what a wonderful world is hidden inside of you. Enjoy the sensations and delights of your body that you never knew existed. Feel the sensations in your body: what are they? Where are they? Where is particularly pleasurable to touch? Are there any surprises? What makes you feel relaxed? What makes you feel tense? What part of your body is crying out to be touched? If you leave the body and get lost in the mind. You will miss out on this wonderful experience. Get used to coming back home to the body where you are safe and held.
Breathe to consciously come back to your body if you get lost in thoughts; future plans and memories of the past. Breathe to come back to yourself so you can feel more. Connect with the emotion from a place of embodiment rather than thought. By breathing into emotions you can release feelings of tension and constriction. Breath is one of the essential tools in all tantric traditions. Breathing can help you regulate your nervous system. When you notice you have become lost in thinking, come back to the breath to guide you back home into your body.
Check in with yourself. “What would make this touch feel better?” Does this feel good?. Learn to feel into what your needs are from a place of embodiment. If it’s too uncomfortable to speak your needs, that’s ok, it’s an achievement just to notice and acknowledge yourself. For many men, communicating needs and desires is a skill and practice that needs patience and compassion. Learning to speak and communicate desires and boundaries will improve all your relationships. Tantric massage is a wonderful learning and training ground for both understanding, your needs, wants and desires and then finding healthy ways to communicate them.
Come with curiosity:
Come with an open mind, heart and body. Be curious with everything that comes up, be it pleasure, boredom, frustration. See these experiences and emotions and sensations from a new place of wonder and curiosity.
I work with all men from 21 to 91 and I use both Tantric Massage and a range of therapeutic processes to help you (re)discover and celebrate your full sexual vitality, aliveness and potential.
Click here to arrange a Free Consultation Call and discover more about my Tantric Massage offering and other opportunities to help you explore your full sexual potential.