I love working with you folks for lots of reasons and right now, one of those reasons that I am so grateful for is learning from you! I am inspired to answer this question after a conversation with one of you lovelies recently.
We were talking about why presence is one of the strongest skills that we can develop for a good life. Whether we are flying solo or journeying with partner(s). Because the skills, qualities and connection that we bring to our sex and intimacy can only be enjoyed to their fullest when we are wholly present.
What is presence?
Multiple dictionary definitions exist, I have chosen two:
‘A quality that makes people notice or admire you, even when you are not speaking’ (Cambridge) or ‘Someone's presence in a place is the fact that they are there.’ (Collins). Synonyms for presence include: proximity, closeness, nearness, being, company, showing up, and making one's presence felt.
In the context of self intimacy and intimacy with another person(s) presence with yourself is quite simply the ability to tune into, feel and be aware of what is happening in your body.
In simple terms, I describe three levels of presence in intimacy as:
The absence of presence:
When you are distracted. Maybe you have some things on your mind, you are on your phone, or thinking about work, or too tired or have some self-talk going on; you know, the voices that tell you to keep busy, or running through all of the things you’ve got to do – or mustn’t do or how you are going to best avoid things (like intimacy) or how badly things are going. Or you are thinking about the past (“last time I did this…”) or the future (“I wonder what will happen if I…). Or you might be feeling agitated, stressed or anxious, frustrated, numb or unsafe. Or you might just give up and switch off.
Full presence:
Is when you are alert, interested, curious and giving yourself full attention. You are listening to or in touch with yourself and are present and attentive to what your body is saying, doing and feeling; physically and emotionally. It is when you can notice what is happening for you in this moment and be aware of how and when that changes moment by moment to this moment.
Exquisite presence:
When you are aware of every nuance of body, emotion and activated sense in your body. Noticing your heartbeat, your breath, your emotional state. When you feel connected to every sense in your body and how you are noticing changes, in each and every moment. That all other sounds and external stimulus fade into the background and there is nothing other than yourself or yourself with another in deep communication/communion. This is typically a blissful experience and is an essential ingredient of erotic trance states
Cultivating presence in intimacy also impacts your ability to be present not only with yourself but with partners, children and others in your wider home, family, social and work environments
Why does presence matter?
Presence is probably the single most important skill in emotional and physical intimacy. Throughout my work and in the support I offer to clients, my full presence is absolutely imperative. I couldn’t work properly without it! And presence is the central core of our awareness of what we need in each moment – it is the ability to tune into and notice our body so that we can be more authentic in our wants, needs and desires.
Where can you get more experience of presence:
For presence when receiving touch, check out Tantric Massage for yourself, for your partner, or for couples.
For presence in self-pleasure or masturbation coaching check out The Sexual Empowerment Programme: Stage 1.
For presence in intimacy check out The Sexual Empowerment Programme: Stage 2 and Stage 3 and for presence and personal power, including erotic trance states check out Tantric Power: Bespoke Tantra for You.
Or you can simply begin by booking your Free Consultation Call.