Frequently asked questions

“The intellect is a beautiful servant but a terrible master. Intellect is the power tool of our separateness. The intuitive, compassionate heart is the doorway to our unity.” Ram Dass

See more by reading my What is Tantra Article

This term, often shortened to PE, describes the difficulty a person has in exercising control or choice over when to ejaculate; usually ejaculating ‘too quickly’ or before they want to. The work I do supports people to have greater choice over their arousal in general and in ejaculation specifically. In this context choice is about being more embodied, about better communication between mind and body which leads to experiencing sexual energy and potency in a way that enables choice. Rapid ejaculation is a less clinical and slightly friendlier definition of premature ejaculation.

Discover how I support men to have more choice around ejaculation through the Sexual Empowerment Programme.

Describes the difficulty a person has in exercising control or choice over when to ejaculate; usually taking ‘too long’ to ejaculate often leading to them giving up before reaching the point of ejaculation. I can support people to have greater choice over their arousal in general and in ejaculation specifically. In this context choice is about being more embodied, about better communication between mind and body which leads to experiencing sexual energy and potency in a way that enables choice.

Discover how I support men to have more choice around ejaculation through the Sexual Empowerment Programme.

People who study Taoism and Tantric techniques may choose to practice non ejaculation, that is self-pleasure and lovemaking without ejaculating. This is practiced for a number of reasons but primarily it is to conserve sexual energy which usually gets discharged during ejaculation and can lead to energy depletion. There is also the practice of becoming multi-orgasmic, that is experiencing any number of the contractions of orgasm without ejaculating semen. There are also ways to use the sexual energy so that you can experience whole-body orgasms.

Discover how I support men to discover more about the power of non ejaculation through the Tantric Power Retreats.

The concept that you can make a conscious choice about when to ejaculate or whether you want to ejaculate at all. It requires an excellent awareness of and connection with the sensations in your body, often this requires some element of learning, or relearning, the same dedication as if you were learning any other new skill such as learning to drive or play a musical instrument. It requires a fine balance of conscious and unconscious activity and in the same way that a flute can play a beautiful tune, a man aware of his body to this extent can make intimacy truly beautiful.

Discover how I support men to have more choice around ejaculation through the Sexual Empowerment Programme.

Erectile dysfunction is often shortened to ED and is a rather clinical name given to a condition where a man struggles to get or maintain an erection. There are a number of well-known causes for this including prostate problems, circulatory problems, medication, low libido, blocks to pleasure, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety, porn or fantasy dependence, and aging. Medical practitioners often write prescriptions to enable sustainable erections, however these don’t work for everyone and can induce side effects. When we work sesistively with the body and begin to notice what the body (rather than the mind) wants to experience in each momnet, some men experience a full recovery of function. For other men, a degree of acceptance may be required. Either way, erotic pleasure can be gained from exploring soft cock options and re-framing how you view and partake in intimacy as a whole.

Discover how I support men to have more choice around ejaculation through the Sexual Empowerment Programme.

‘Sacred’ in this context refers to the presence, reverence and intention that we bring to our bodies, to pleasure and to our sexual energy. And how we consciously choose to connect with the sexual energy of others. There is no requirement to follow any religious deities or doctrine, however people will often choose to connect to something they believe is greater than themselves. Some common descriptions of this connection include ‘the higher self’ or ‘the universe’ or ‘god’ or ‘goddess’ or ‘the source’.

A term used in sacred sexuality for sexual intercourse

The concept of Embodiment, or to Embody something, is the idea that it’s not just the mind that holds and stores your memories and experiences. Our life experiences are also held or stored in the body. This kind of holding can be of emotions, thoughts, beliefs, trauma, memories and responses to sensations and emotions.

One example of embodiment would be where a negative or limiting belief around body shape or genital attributes such as penis size or shape, can be based on an expectation of how your body ‘should’ be. This belief could show up - or be embodied - in you by not wanting to look at your body, or enjoy it other than perhaps functional masturbation or not wanting to share your body with anyone else. In this example you would be embodying the ‘not good enough’ of your body and might manifest in behaviours such as hiding your body, wearing baggier clothes, experiencing fear/anxiety, fear of intimacy and avoiding sex all together, which in turn can also lead to a lack of pleasure and sometimes sexual dysfunction.

Working with me, we will gently explore what kind experiences you want to embody instead, and we will explore the alternatives that feel right for you. This process will challenge your current embodiment (e.g. fear, avoidance, dysfunction) and can bring about a new embodiment of the qualities and skills you want to live to (e.g. joy, pleasure, better sex)

The process is one of challenging the conditioning and expectations that no longer work for you and beginning to experience your world through a deeper connection with and honouring of you and your body wants and needs.

With the increasing digital age, Corona virus lockdown and isolation, conditions such as skin hunger and touch deprivation are becoming an everyday reality for millions of people. These factors (and others) can have an impact on our immune systems and our health and wellbeing as individuals and in our communities. Touch can, quite literally, change the quality of our lives. Check out my talk Touch Changes Lives delivered at the Manchester Sex Lectures

Yab Yum is a Tantric technique which plays on the polarity of masculine energy and feminine energy in each of two people. This position can be adapted for different sizes, shapes and flexibility and can include penis in vagina or simply an exchange of energy. The masculine energy brings compassion and skill, the feminine energy brings wisdom and insight. In sharing and joining the two energies a wholeness of wisdom and compassion is created.

This is a traditional western model of arousal which focuses solely on friction – usually from genitals to genitals during sex or hand to genitals during masturbation. Whereas the work I offer focuses on exploring, through energy and touch, a broader range of sensation, pleasure and arousal across the whole body

Is a metaphor to describe the majority of Western socialised sexual interaction. A pattern of sex typically starts with kissing moves to foreplay, then penetration and finally climax/ejaculation. What I support clients with, is an alternative; The Elevator model of sex (see below)

The elevator model of sex is where the ‘goal’ of climax/ ejaculation is temporarily put to one side so that arousal can rise and fall, ebb and flow between partners from a place of relaxed, connected, intimacy. Climax/ejaculation can still happen but is part of, rather than the end goal of love making.

Heart connected sex is where the urge to move into intimacy comes from a desire to connect at a heart level as well as a body level. It is a conscious choice of each lover to open their hearts from a place of relaxation, acceptance and appreciation of themselves and each other. This quality of heart connected sex can be brought into any kind of intimate connection whether that’s between people in a long term relationship together or in shorter connections. The primary conditions being a willingness to open your heart and embrace the vulnerability that this requires. This is a wonderful quality to bring to intimacy and requires emotional strength, which like any other strength, can be practiced and developed.

Gender is often seen in the West as fixed at wholly male or wholly female. Actually, gender is a spectrum between these two (binary) polarities. This is recognised and honoured in many cultures around the world. In Western culture non binary, or people of other genders are finally beginning to be recognised and are now finding the courage to self-identify where they fit on this spectrum and the pronouns they wished to be addressed as, including He/Him, They/ Them and She/Her.

Yoni is an ancient Sanskrit word that refers to the entirety of female genitals including the vulva and vagina, cervix and urethral crest (G spot) and is a symbol of divine energy. Hebrew origins of the word refer to the Yoni as ‘the gift of God’

Yoni massage is an honouring ritual that originates in Tantra where the yoni owner receives an honouring genital massage from the giver. As with all things in Tantra, the intention of the touch is paramount - The giver willingly puts their own desires to one side in order to be in service to the person receiving. As such, the person receiving, can surrender into whatever emotions, sensations or pleasure that arises.

Discover more about Yoni Massage.

As above but more specialised. This has a clear healing focus and requires authentic Yoni Healing training. Healing Yoni Massage is conducted by a practitioner with an intention to support the Yoni owner to find recovery from traumatic experiences such as unwanted penetration, childbirth, emotional blocks and surgery. This is highly specialised touch and invites greater vitality, creativity, orgasmic potential and a deeper connection to the body.

The word Lingam refers to the penis. This word originates from ancient Sanskrit texts that identify the lingam as the phallus of the Hindu God Shiva. The Lingam is sometimes referred to as the ‘sacred wand of light’.

Lingam Massage is an honouring Tantric ritual where the Lingam owner receives an honouring genital massage from the giver. The intention of the touch is paramount - The giver willingly puts their own desires to one side in order to be in service to the person receiving. As such, the person receiving, can surrender into whatever emotions, sensations or pleasure that arises.

Discover more about Lingam Massage.

The prostate is a walnut sized gland through which the urethra carries urine from the bladder to exit the body through the penis. This gland produces seminal fluid that joins sperm from the testicles to create semen when ejaculation occurs. In some people, the prostate can be discovered and massaged from outside the body below the skin between the anus and testicles known as the perineum. The prostate can also be massaged by inserting fingers or specially designed toys into the anal canal. For some, prostate massage can be a deeply erotic, intimate or sacred experience. For others it may be neutral and in others unpleasant. In Tantra and in my work, the prostate is considered to be the sacred ‘P spot’ and as such is approached from a place of honouring and relaxed arousal. Prostate massage is available on request as part of the Tantric massage and as part of the other programmes I offer. For a more in depth look at anal pleasure check out my A* Pleasure talk at The Manchester Sex Lectures.

Discover more about Prostate Massage.

I offer Tantric massage as one-way touch only service from me to you and while it may be a new (and erotically delicious) experience for you, it is purely for pleasure rather than learning. With all other services that I offer, I work with your sexual arousal, pleasure, intimacy and touch; both one way touch (from me to you) and two way touch (where touch is shared).

The significant difference between the services provided by a sex worker or escort and what I offer is that this is not a sexual service in the traditional sense. At Pleasure - Potential - Power, all touch takes place within a fully consensual learning agreement, that has a clear experiential purpose for you. This is chosen by you, and agreed between us, so that you can learn or have a new experience within the realms of arousal and intimacy, which you can then take into your relationships and intimacy. Whether you loved or hated sex education at home or at school, at Pleasure - Potential - Power, I take the chore out of learning and employ creative, pleasurable, fun and experiential ways to explore and learn.

I trained in Sexological Bodywork™, which in the UK is now termed Somatic Sex Education™ in 2018. Originally created by American MD Joseph Kramer, the discipline has evolved, keeping pace with the latest developments in anatomy and physiology, neurobiology, consent and trauma awareness. The training qualifies me to work with clients around embodiment; that is helping clients to address issues and make choices around how to experience touch. Working with this modality can involve touch, nudity and erotic energy but it doesn’t have to. Because while I as the therapist have skills and knowledge and a set of tools and techniques, you as the client call the shots in terms of what you want to work with and how you would like to work. We call this approach a co-creation, we are working together, rather than you as the client being ‘done to’. So it is perfectly possible for us to work together and for you to choose to not remove any clothes or to receive any touch. And in this sense Sexological Bodywork™ can be offered in person or online.

Discover more about Sexological Bodywork. Read more about Sexological Bodywork in the media.

Surrogate Partner Therapy was created in the 1970’s by US based sexologists Masters and Johnson (no relation to me sadly). They believed that people could learn about sexual intimacy only by experiencing it with another person and so they developed specific techniques and guidelines to offer this professionally and safely. Trained surrogate partners work with clients around physical and emotional issues that requires the involvement of a partner. In addition to work around sexual dysfunctions, confidence and inexperience, the surrogacy that I offer through Tantric Connections enables clients to delve deeper into the realms of intimacy, connection and sacred sexuality.

Discover more about Sexual Partner Surrogacy.

Most people will recognise the concept of consent by a person’s ability to say yes or no to something. At its most basic level this is perfectly accurate; and is also a very simplistic definition. Why? Because a person’s ability to agree to something is often influenced by an enormous array of other factors including gender, age, status, arousal, social expectations, the presence or absence of alcohol or other substances, relationship to the person asking – in fact when we begin to look at the factors and dynamics involved in decision making, it begins to look rather more complicated than it at first seems. Fortunately, Dr Betty Martin has spent a number of years exploring consent and developed a wonderful tool call The Wheel of Consent. This is an excellent resource for everyone, particularly touch professionals like me. The training I’ve taken in the Wheel of Consent enables me to be really clear in how I conduct sessions, where we create agreements and about how we are going to work together. This empowers you as the client to understand consent fully, to make choices in all aspects of the sessions and to take this learning into relationship(s) well beyond sessions.

Due to the intimate nature of the sessions, I ask for an STI test for all Tantric Power Bespoke Day Retreats.

You do not need to take an STI test for Tantric Massage or any of the other services I offer.

Find out more about STI tests and why they are important here.