Valentine’s Day happens to be my least favourite day of the year — for personal reasons.
The best Valentine’s Days of my life were the ones when my mum sent me chocolates and a card. Now that I’m in my thirties, those days are long gone.
Last Christmas, I noticed a growing movement against excessive gift-giving and extravagant (and costly) gestures. I’m championing this movement. This is the energy I want to bring to Valentine’s Day 2025.
Since I don’t currently have a partner — or multiple partners — I’m choosing to take this day for myself. A day of self-love and appreciation. This isn’t me trying to copy Emma Watson’s famous “self-partnered” statement when she declared that she was “in a relationship with herself”. Rather, it’s a personal choice to prioritise self-love. The plans I want to share for showing love to myself are ones that could easily be transferred into a relationship with a beloved partner.
Because at the end of the day, it’s the thought that counts. And when it comes to love, thoughtfulness means understanding love languages:
- Touch
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Quality time
Speaking for myself, I’d love to receive all of the above. But it’s not just about what you do — it’s about how you do it. So this year, I’m giving myself all these symbols of love and appreciation. Here’s how:
TOUCH:
I’m scheduling a self-pleasure session in my calendar — 30 minutes minimum. During this time, I’ll touch my body in a way that says, “I love you.” With no agenda, no expectation of outcome. Just presence. I’ll caress my ankles, my neck and hairline, my inner thighs… you get the picture.
ACTS OF SERVICE:
Throughout the day, I’ll ask myself: What can I do for you? Whether it’s a hot water bottle, a moment of stillness on the sofa or under the duvet, a glass of water or a cup of tea, a foot massage — I am here for it. Today is my day, and I am willing to show up in service to myself.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
I am enough. I have enough. I do enough. More importantly, I am reclaiming this day as a celebration of self-love. Some days it’s easy, some days it’s hard — but today (and hopefully for every day that passes between now and next Valentine’s), I love you.
Words of affirmation can also take the form of love letters. Here are some prompts I’ll be using to write to myself — you could use them for yourself or a beloved:
- I fell in love with you when…
- I feel lucky to be with you because…
- I am excited to grow with you because…
- Things about you that inspire me…
GIFTS: Save your money
“It’s the thought that counts” has been said so often that it probably feels cliché, but it’s true. If you’re going to give a gift, make sure the meaning far outweighs the financial expenditure.
My gift to myself this year? A simple necklace with a pendulum — probably worth £20 or less. But its significance? It connects me to people I care about.
When choosing a gift for yourself or a loved one, ask: What do they care about? How can I show them that I recognise and honour what holds meaning for them?
QUALITY TIME:
We all have different ideas of what quality time looks like. But the essentials are:
- Undivided attention
- No distractions
- An environment that feels safe, pleasurable and relaxing
- The freedom to be fully yourself
It can be wonderful to craft an experience that caters to all the senses — sight, smell, sound, touch, taste.
If part of your journey — whether solo or with a partner — involves deepening your connection to your body or enhancing shared experiences, I’d love to help. Tantric massages are a gorgeous act of self-care, and couples’ massages are a fantastic way to enhance the touch experience in your existing partnership.