So much of the porn industry, the wellbeing industry, pharmaceutical companies, Hollywood and especially the sexual wellness industry is focused on portraying idealized images of sexual prowess, masculinity and definitions of manhood. So much so, that most of us feel like we don’t measure up and maybe even believe there is something wrong with us.
It’s a tactic designed to draw you into working harder, watching more porn, spending money on pills and potions, and investing money in the latest tips and tricks to ‘fix you’. These industries need you to feel insecure – and when you do they bank on you reaching for whatever will help you get fixed. Well let me tell you my love;
You are not broken - and you don’t need to be fixed!
You may not be happy with your current circumstances and want to make some changes, to grow, that’s perfectly natural, but let me say it again, you are not broken - and you don’t need to be fixed!
You may be experiencing difficulties in unwinding or finding relaxation. Or you may be struggling in your relationship(s), or having difficulties in intimacy or lacking confidence, that’s OK, It’s much more common that you think. As many as one in four men will experience one or more of these at some point in their lives. All is not lost, its never too late to find change, growth and healing.
“…we tend to think of healing as something binary: either we are broken or we’re healed from that brokenness. But that’s not how healing operates, and its almost never how human growth works. More often, healing and growth take place on a continuum, with innumerable points in between utter brokenness and total health”
Resmaa Menakem
The ‘problems’ you feel you have, are simply your body and your minds wholistic response to something that has happened to you. It may be one thing such as the feelings you experienced after losing your erection at a key moment. Or it could be a number of things such as the repeated pain of a partners ongoing refusal to engage in intimacy.
Whether it’s a one-time response or a number of responses, when they affect the way we feel and behave, we call them adaptations.
We humans are incredibly skilled at adapting to what is going on in a combination of body, mind, and what’s happening around us (our environment). Our whole system adapts to survive and stop us getting hurt. When these adaptations repeat often enough, they become a pattern or a habit.
It’s a bit like taking a shortcut across a new field; at first the grass is long and you have to trample through it to create a new path, when you go back the next time it’s a bit easier to walk through the grass. After a few times though, you can see a new pathway opening up, (a new pattern is forming) and after a while the grass gives way to make a new, more permanent path (your chosen pattern becomes the new habit). And so the shortcuts you struggle to start, become the pathway you always choose. And the old pathways fall into disuse.
How we change, learn new skills and the capacity and flexibility to learn, grow and heal through the brain, the mind and the body is the key to creating new patterns and habits that you consciously choose for yourself. We call this ability to change neuroplasticity: yes, you have a flexible, plastic-like, brain which when coupled with your willing body can help you experience less of the things you don’t want and more of the things you do want.
What does that all look like in the room?
Working with me, we will dive into and explore your current adaptations, habits and patterns, identify the ones you want to change – say coming too quick or focusing too much on your partners pleasure - and choose new ones to replace them with – introducing ejaculation choice and a more connections and equality in the bedroom. Then we get into working with your mind, your body and your environment to bring in the changes!
It’s a bit like learning to drive, or learning a new sport; it’s developing new skills and being in training - practicing them over and over until your old ways are replaced by the adaptations, patterns and habits you do want!
So no, you are not broken, and you don’t need to ‘get fixed’. You simply have some adaptations to undo and remake.
If you want to talk about what new joyful and fulfilling experiences you are ready to choose and create for yourself, get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.
Want to take the first step to a more intentional you? You can start by booking your Free Consultation Call.